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WARNING: I’m being real and vulnerable today friends. You have been warned.
So the other day I was sitting in the dentist office, trying my hardest to find my happy place amidst the feeling of squeaky latex gloves and spinning brushes in my mouth. (Anyone else find the dentist chair to be much like a torture chamber?)
And the sweet dental hygienist asked me what I do for a living? (As if I can talk with your hands in my mouth).
“Well” . . . I said, “I make meals and snacks 50 times a day (slight exaggeration), change diapers, car pool, do dishes, clean house, break-up fights, wipe noses, kiss boo boo’s, count down to nap time, play princess and cars, watch Dora . . . ” and on and on I went. Until I remembered, “Oh ya, and I am a blogger”.
And while in the midst of flossing my teeth, she takes it upon herself to rephrase my comment and says, “so you are a stay-at-home mommy blogger. That’s cute” Dead serious. She said “That’s cute”.
I kind of went a tad bit on the defensive side and said, “No, I’m a work-my-tushy-off-from-home, design and DIY blogger”. (Thank you very much). And then I proceeded to politely tell her how grateful I was that I had found a way to stay home to raise my babies – despite how hard and crazy it is – and make money to help my family. I figured that was the most polite way to drop the hint that I made money on this “mommy blogging” thing, and make myself feel more legit in the face of a working mother. (Forgive me for sharing the ugly side of my thoughts with you today.)
To which she perked up and said, “Wait. What? You make money blogging?”
To which the very prideful (and shameful) part of me smiled inside and I said, “Why yes I do”.
Then came the common string of questions, “What is a blog? How do you make money? How do you get people to see your blog? So, like, you are on pinterest? How much money do you make?” and on and on she went.
And at some point, while answering her questions and enjoying the break from the latex, I humbled myself and realized how very blessed I was. Here was a woman who sent her baby to day care so she could work, and hated every second of it. A woman who was so intrigued with the idea that someone could stay home and make sufficient money to help support her family.
And while I’ve come across these encounters more and more through the years (minus the dentist office) , from friends, family, readers, and online connections, it always causes me to think about the pros and cons of being in this world of blogging. More often than not, these questions come from women who are desperate to find a way to support their family or add to their income, while staying at home with their kids.
I never know quite what to say, rather than expound on the pros and cons and reassure them that blogging is by no means a get-rich-quick scheme. But if you work hard and keep at it (even if that means years of working for nothing), you can get to a point where you can help pay for kids piano lessons and school clothes, and maybe even splurge on yourself once in awhile. Or who knows, pay off a house even!!
So while it was my intention today to just quickly share with you my excitement for being in this special edition of “Cottage White Magazine”, which I view as a small pay-out of my hard work, I thought I would also share with you what I view as the pros and cons of being a blogger. And just to keep things in perspective, I’m going to share images of our latest trip to the lake with my family. They represent what really means the most to me in this life and they are what drives my passions and motivates me to work hard.
I can only hope my thoughts will help someone, encourage someone, or even help others understand what their blogger friends might be experiencing in this journey. But since we can’t sit down at the dentist office to discuss it, I thought this would be the next best thing.
Let’s start with a pro.
Pro: Blogging is an expression for who I am
I am a mommy. I am so stinkin’ proud to be a mommy. But much to my kids surprise, I am more than a mommy. I am an individual with individual needs, talents, expressions and purpose. If I could go back to being a new mommy 10 years ago, I would plead with that young woman to not loose herself. I would beg her to not waste 6 years feeling lost and depressed in this new role of motherhood. I would tell her it would be just fine if she wanted to think about herself and her needs every once in awhile. She could have hobbies. She could find success. She could achieve and grow outside of being a mother. And she would be better for it.
I spent so long suppressing my need for growth . I blame it on my entrepreneur Father, but it just about ate me alive to sit back and watch as my husband earned all the money, succeeded, advanced, and found amazing opportunities. I was always so proud of him, but was beating myself up daily for the feelings of jealousy. I remember a point in our lives when he would complain there were not enough hours in the day, and I would ache inside feeling like the days were just too long. To add to it, my dad passed away when I was just a little girl, and I’ve lived with this panic of what would I do if my husband also passed and I was completely dependent on his income.
Forgive me for getting so personal, but the point I wish to make is that blogging has become my platform for finding myself again. Sharing my talents and knowledge with others. Expressing the creativity that lives within me. And finding a purpose to carry me through.
Now don’t get me wrong. I do not mean to down play motherhood and wife-hood. I wish with all my heart I would have been satisfied doing only that and giving my kids everything inside of me. I envy those who can and those who find great happiness in that. But I am who I am, and as busy as being a mommy and a blogger makes me, I am grateful every day that I have both.
Con: Mom Guilt
Oh yes. The mom guilt. Just the other day I came across a little note from my 10 year old exclaiming to her mom and dad that all she wanted was time. She wanted nothing else in the world but time with us and we never had time for her.
Ouch.
Que the self reflection and goal making lists.
But I definitely live in fear of having regrets, or screwing up my kids lives for being too busy or preoccupied. Or when I am grouchy and exhausted I wonder if I was not blogging, would I be better for them?
I haven’t found a way to overcome all this yet, it is just something I live with at the moment. I simply hope and pray I will be enough for them.
Pro: MORE MONEY!
Hopefully I can say this without sounding too greedy, but man it’s nice to have some financial padding. I’m not saying I’m banking it, but I do enjoy the occasional splurge or girls trip without having to report any frivolous spending to my husband. It gives me such satisfaction to know that I can go out and buy my kids school clothes without having to stress about how to pay for it. It’s nice to put a little extra in the savings account. It’s so nice that I can pay for all my hobbies without them feeling like a burden to my husband. There is something to be said about the feeling of being self sufficient.
Con: Less Time
But you know what they say – “mo money, mo problems”. With this added financial freedom, come the chains of less free time, less relaxing, less Netflix, less time for recreation . . . you get the point?
Bloggers are busy. A website doesn’t run itself. Lest you think we are just writing posts, you are thinking wrong. There is so much technical garbage and games we have to play to keep things going and growing. I never saw myself as someone who would be technical savvy, but I’ve had to learn how to be, and that means hours and hours sitting in front of a computer. And that’s not even considering the time it takes for all the projects I do! I squeeze in at least 6 hours of blog work a day (morning, nap time, late at night), and the rest is for my family.
I know sometimes it can seem like if you are busy you must be really important, but I actually live with more guilt for being too busy. I know it isn’t healthy for me. I actually find my busy schedule embarrassing and try my hardest to play it down. But I’m actually a basket case most days. It’s no good.
Pro: Opportunity and Adventure
5 years ago I proclaimed it to the Universe that I would be in a magazine someday. It’s a silly thing to want to accomplish in a life time, but I’ve since had the opportunity to be in 3 (blush). The one you see here is my biggest spread yet, and it makes me giddy with excitement.
Thank you Universe!
But in all seriousness, the opportunities that have come my way in the last year have been incredible. Stuff I only could have dreamed about years ago. I have to wake up and pinch myself often.
Through my work I’ve been able to travel, speak at conferences, and I may or may not have just signed a book contract guys. Just saying.
Con: Growing Pains
My blogging journey started out as 3 years of being a complete hobby. I didn’t even know you could make money. And then when the crossroad came to give it up or turn it into a business, that’s when things got uncomfortable.
Computers scare me. I’m pretty sure they can blow up if you push the wrong button.
Making a pitch to a large company can feel like the scariest thing EVER! But every time I muster up that courage – amazing things happen.
Did you know nothing on YouTube is ever as easy as they say it is? NOTHING!
Did you know the internet speaks in code? Well it does. And I don’t get it, nor do I want to get it.
And did you know when you make money you have to track taxes and fill out forms and calculate numbers and get licenses and report all sorts of things??? Such a bore!
I sometimes miss the days where the most complicated thing of my day was “What’s for dinner?”
Pro: Fans
I have never ever liked to be the center of attention. It makes me squirm like a kid who stole candy. But my goodness, some of the emails and comments I’ve gotten have warmed my heart. I absolutely thrive on the hope that I am being helpful and inspiring. Indeed, it is the very foundation of every post I do.
Cons: Resentment
This one weighs so heavy on my heart sometimes. Surely, everyone must know that my home with 4 kids is as hard to keep clean as theirs. Surely, everyone must know that none of my achievements are because of some lucky star, but the result of incredibly hard and diligent work. But the fact of the matter is, everyone doesn’t know. They see my images, they see the best I have to offer . . . and they feel like they are not enough. I never intend to make life seem picture perfect to make anyone else feel less. That breaks my heart if that is ever the case. But I do so enjoy making beautiful images that will inspire others to dream and create. Whether I make it up in my head or not, the times when I’ve sensed resentment and distance from loved ones because of what I do – it breaks me.
Pro: Connections
This is probably the best part. I knew it all along but being a mommy and housekeeper, it’s easy to forget that women need women. We so desperately need friends and connections and we need to find those people in the world that feel safe and who we share common interests with. The connections I’ve made through this blogging adventure have been so rewarding. Even if some of them are only virtual connections, there is such a camaraderie in this industry because we realize how much we need each others support and help. From emails to Facebook groups, I have loved to connect with other women struggling with the same things I struggle with, and hoping to achieve the same things I hope to achieve.
Some of the best times I’ve had is when I’ve gone to blogging conferences and have met these friends in real life. It is inspiring beyond words.
Con: Loneliness
Somehow, with all those connections, this age of the internet can feel so very lonely. Because sending a text, email, or instant message is never the same as looking someone in the eye and laughing together. No online friendship can take the place of real friendship. And the truth is, I feel so busy and spend all my energy on my blog and family, I feel like having real life friends can tend to take the back burner. And that can begin to feel very lonely.
I have, however, found a great blessing in working closer with my sister on this blog together. She is beginning to take over the food side and we’ve just about wrapped up an eBook together, so building that connection has been so fulfilling in my life. I also try my best to stay involved with the community and my religious congregations, which helps to keep my head out of the cloud. And I have some very dear friends who seem to love me although at times I may not be the best of friends to them – but they stick by my side and cheer me on.
And of course, I can’t end this without saying that my husbands continuous support and help is THE ONLY THING that keeps me going. When all those cons fill every square inch of my life, he lifts my head and steers me in the right direction. As cheesy as it sounds, he truly gives me my wings to fly.
I’ll end this by saying, if you want to purchase the Cottage White magazine (hint, it’s a good one!) you can do that at your local marketplace or online HERE.
5 Things you should never say to a blogger
And because I like every post to have some useful tips, here are 5 things you should never say to a blogger, based on my own not-so-joyful experiences.
- “So you are a mommy blogger. That’s cute.”
- “Oh, you have to “work” do you?” – loaded with sarcasm and insult.
- “You have no idea how lucky you are”.
- While looking up something on your phone, please don’t say “I love it that the world is full of bored people who post anything and everything on the internet.” But thank you for the pageview any way 😉
- “You are a blogger? So you sit home in your pajamas and eat bon bons all day and write about it?”
If you made it this far, you should get a reward.
Thank you for being vulnerable with me!
I have a website…not a blog. I don’t really know to much about that. I offer free printables that I create geared towards organizing (printablesbydesign.org), and I also share some of my favorites from all around the web. I am sharing your grocery list on my site …of course with link back to yours, but as I was visiting your site this post caught my eye. I just wanted to say that I truly admire your honesty. I can see how you could be torn in so many directions…I just wanted to add that I personally believe that you can really love alot of things for all the right reasons in ones life….but at some point you have to find your way to what is true to your soul. Sounds like you have done that…keep doing what you love….it’s working for you. God Bless you. I love your site.
Beautifully written, Cami! I couldn’t agree more.
Congratulations on the feature – it’s gorgeous!
I loved your article of pros and cons. I read blogs all the time and wonder if I should or could contribute anything of value, with my own blog. Your list of pros and cons gives me a lot to think about. All my friends and family say I am a very inspiring and creative person. I know you will understand you cannot see yourself through their eyes. Thank you for the honest look at blogging through your eyes. Also, contrast on the beautiful spread in the magazine. Continued success and blessing going forward.
You have no idea how much I needed this. Thank you! Thank you for putting your honesty out here for everyone to read. The struggle is so frustrating at times for me. The technical garbage makes my head spin. And the feeling guilty over the hours of time spent to create, which neglects everything and everyone else is really hard. So glad to know I’m not the only one with all this craziness.
And, a BIG CONGRATULATIONS to you for your feature! Go get em! <3
Thanks for sharing!! I’m a blogger and I could related completely to this. It’s so funny because I’ve NEVER worked so hard at anything but I’ve finally realised that I don’t need to convince anyone of that. You have a beautiful site!
First of all, congratulations on your magazine feature! Amazing! Second, you pretty much just out I to words every being I feel about blogging. Trying to justify what you do to others, or maybe even just yourself(?), can be a real challenge! Well-said, Cami! Xo
The exact same thing can be said for artist who sell online. I’ve never worked so hard in my life! I want to go back to working for someone else just so I can have some time off.
Christy, I’m so glad you shared all that with me. We most definitely should connect at a conference. Do you have plans to go to the next Haven? I loved hearing your struggles and successes. It really is amazing that we can do this and I too am so thankful to God for all the gifts and abilities we have. And for you to say that was the best blog post you’ve read all year has me completely flattered! I didn’t even think anybody would read it! My heart goes out to you with the PPD. I finally had to admit I had that as well and get some help. It’s not an easy road to tread. I wish you the best and it would be an honor to get to know you better and in real life! Take care!
Oh Cecilia – you always know just what to say to lift me. How I wish I could give you a giant hug! And seriously! These computers never work how you want them to! So sorry you had to write to me twice, but I’m so so thankful you did! It always saddens me when women feel ashamed and say “I’m just a mom” or “I just stay home with my kids”. It is such a noble thing to do. And that is so crazy, I had someone call it crapping to me as well! All in joking, but goodness we have to do something for ourselves! It was so encouraging to hear you talk about your children like that. I suppose the most important thing they need to know is that you love them. I try my hardest to be nice to myself, but some days I do better than others. I love when seasoned mothers tell me to stop with the guilt. I know all women do it. My mother often tells me she wishes she would have been nicer to herself, and I try to cling to those teachings so I don’t have any of those regrets. Thank you again for always being so supportive and encouraging. You are my little comment angel 😉 God bless!
Cami, as a 65 year old woman, who has lived through the women’s movement, it still makes me so angry that women who stay at home and raise their children, still in this day and age have to defend themselves to women who work outside the home. I was very fortunate and was able to stay home and raise my children during the 70’s and 80’s. My husband made a good living and even though there were times when money was very tight, this was a choice that we made together and I would not change it all. And yet I was made to feel as if I did nothing to “contribute” to society because I was “just” a stay at home Mom! Your children are blessed to have you home and you are setting a wonderful example for your children by showing them all that you do, both as a Mom and as a blogger. Keep doing what you are doing and don’t let people like your dental hygienist get to you! As women we need to be supportive of other women however they live their lives.
Cathy, I couldn’t agree with you more! I fear for a society who demeans motherhood. There is no greater work and I am thankful for a mother who taught me that. My father had a successful business, and when he passed my mother was able to survive without going to work. I thank my Father in Heaven often for that gift. To know she was there when we got home from school was the best thing she could have done for us. Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words today. It is so good to know others feel the same.
Tamara, Your words were so encouraging! Thank you for sharing them with me. I feel worn out just reading what you have accomplished in your life 😉 Motherhood is a full time job, and anything we add to it is certainly not easy. I think your blog is so beautiful and I know it is hard work! Lets just keep going, and thank you for your support on the magazine! Take care!
Oh Summer, thank you for saying all of that! Wouldn’t it be nice to sit down with bloggers and have this chat? We should do that sometime 😉 It is so sustaining to know many others feel the same. And thank you for your support of the magazine! It was pretty exciting! XO to you to!!
Hi Cami,
Your blog was one of the very first blogs I started following regularly. Your house is lovely, refreshing, and inviting and now I’m even happier to be a follower after this very encouraging post, which is particularly so to someone like me since I just started a blog. At first I tried to tell myself that I just needed it to be a hobby and a creative outlet because I do work full time out of the house, but in all honesty I hope it eventually becomes a means to quitting my job so I too can have a more flexible schedule for my son. I don’t expect to be less busy by any means, especially since I’m also hoping to combine blogging with teaching part time at a community college, but I am so over not being able to be at home with my family during the holidays and having to take all of my meager 2 weeks of vacation at once (and I’ve been here for 20 years!). Everyone in your family is benefiting from your hard work, perseverance, creativity, bravery, and honesty and I am truly happy for you. I do know that I will have to be patient, especially since I haven’t figured out everything about my website yet lol, but you give me hope. Thank You!!!
Sincerely,
Laurie Guzman
P.S. I recently had a someone at my dentist office say something rude as well. What’s the deal?! lol
Laurie – good for you for starting a blog! My heart aches for those mothers who struggle with the balance of a outside job. I’ve seen the stress of what to do when your kids get sick, or missing special occasions. I truly hope you can achieve what you have in mind. It sounds like a very noble ambition. If there is anything I can ever do to help, I’d be happy to try. Blogging is too difficult to go at it alone. And thank you so much for your thoughtful words. They touched my heart. Giving hope to someone is truly the greatest thing I could ever hope to do. And PS – maybe it has something to do with the fact that we can’t talk back at the dentist. Ha!
You just quit beating yourself up and enjoy the good parts, ignore the rest. We all love you and love getting to travel this road with you. Thanks for doing the work while I sit here and enjoy it.
From your So. Georgia (older) friend.
Oh you sweet heart! I will certainly try my best to be nice to myself. Why is it so natural for women to treat everyone better than we treat ourselves? It means so much to me that you would enjoy traveling this road with me! And I do hope somebody gets to sit back and relax and enjoy the benefits! Ha! Thank you kindly sweet friend from So. Georgia. I take friends of any age 😉
I think I would have been tempted to bite the dental hygienist! How insensitive of her(i.e. read STUPID)! Any mom raising a child or children work and work hard. Be very proud of yourself!
Hahahaha! I totally should have! It was right there! Thank you for the giggle and for your sweet words!
I am a grandmother now but I remember the days of staying home with my young children (only 3, 2 of which were twins) as some of the happiest days of my life. These are times you can never get back so enjoy every minute. I wish I had had an opportunity to stay home and have a job too. When I had to join the work force, way back then; there was no internet, blogging, or choice. Never let adverse comments or opinions of others cause you concern. You go girl! I can only envy your life. Love your blog, your home and your life.
Betty – what a sweet comment you left for me today! Thank you! It’s so good to hear someone say that they were happiest when their kids were little. I have a hard time seeing that reality sometimes, but I often cling to that wisdom that is shared with me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my words and loving me still! Hugs!
I am a stay at home homeschooling mom, and the sentiments from the dentists chair are very similar….except they think you’re superwoman and or holier-than-thou, which is so NOT true! It is a very real struggle whether you “mommy-blog”, work away from home, just stay at home and or homeschool! I just chose this way, and am glad we can appreciate each other’s unique gifts. I find reading “tidbits” and blogs a small quick refresher in the midst of my chaotic life, they keep the dreamer in me alive.
Thank you for sharing Cami, and keep up the beautiful work!
Lea – first of all – I to think homeschooling moms are superwomen!! Haha! I think it is such a gift to give your children. But yes, no matter what we choose to do while raising our babies, it is always a great challenge and sacrifice – and an amazing blessing. I am so pleased to think of anyone feeling refreshed after reading my blog. That is enough for me! Thank you so much!
God bless you and yours.
Thank you, thank you! How kind of you to say. May God bless you as well!
I love that you are so honest! I’m not a blogger , but I’m a stay at home mama. Your blog is one of my happy places!
Jen – I so appreciate you sharing that with me. I think staying at home with our babies is the best thing any of us can do, as challenging as it may be. I’m honored to be one of your happy places. I had no idea I was doing that for anybody. Thank you so much!
From the heart. You speak my language. I know it took a lot of courage to put your real self out there. And, if you were one of my kids who just shared good news with me (published in your third magazine), I’d respond with, “Woo hoo!!! I knew you would!”
Often times in life when I don’t understand “why” things happen – like the loss of a parent at a young age, I tell myself that just maybe, and for absolutely no other reason at all, through this experience I’ll be able to relate to people going through similar experiences. Maybe the simple fact that I really understand their pain, I’m able to make a difference.
I have often heard my husband utter the words of Shakespeare, “To thine own self be true.” Be honest. Be real. Be you. Thanks for being real and vulnerable.
Pam – your comment to me touched my heart so much. It does take a lot of courage to open up on the internet. You never know what will come out. But I have been overwhelmed today by so much kindness. I have such hope in my heart. And yes, though loss of loved ones are so difficult, I have also felt exactly as you say. There have been people along my path that I feel I was able to help because of my losses. What a great blessing that can be. I just love that quote you left for me. I think I’ll make a printable and hang it in my kids rooms 😉 God bless!
If I order the mag through your link do you receive your commission? I’d like to do it that way if so. Plus your style is so inspiring. And your children are precious. I truly believe the very best thing parents can do for their children is to love their spouse. Your love for your husband and family is obvious is your words. Keep up the good work!!!
Denise – I so appreciate your thoughtful words. I won’t get a commission on this one, so you can buy it wherever you would please. Thank you for thinking of that for me! I’m really just thrilled to have had this opportunity. I would agree with you as well. The tender moments of love which I witnessed between my parents are sustaining in this world where so much is confused with the word “love”. I thank you for your kind thoughts today.
hey girl love your post! Thank you for being so honest. God had blessed you so much! Congrats on the mag! love ya. and love the pics of the family! Such a blessing!
Hey girl 😉 My sweet sweet faithful commentor. Your kindness is always moving to me and I so appreciate your words today. God bless you as well, friend.
Cami,good on you! You keep it real sweetheart!
I don’t think any time women surrender their independence is easy. We do that for our privilege of having children, being able to bear them. This isn’t an easy thing, and can be extremely disempowering. The fact blogging is a profession – A PROFESSION – is simply wonderful. What better thing for women, their children, and the community at large, that women can be at home, raising the society’s next generation, and yet maintain some fragment of independence, and who they are. It IS work. You ARE contributing to the greater population. DO NOT doubt it, Cami.
I am also a Mum of 6, and have felt the things you feel.
Well done you! Thank you for sharing your feelings and vulnerabilities. You’d be surprised how many women feel the same.
Take care, Cami, and keep on being you. You’re doing alright, love.
Liz (Australia).
Liz! Your sweet comment had me in tears! Such truth you speak! The internet, although used for much that is not good, can be such a blessing for so many. And I’ll be honest, I often doubt whether what I do daily is for anyone’s benefit, mostly for my family. But I believe I will cling to your sweet words the rest of my blogging days. God bless you for sharing them with me! They are my tender mercy today all the way from Australia 😉
Ditto!! Well said (Liz from Australia) Thank you for your comment. As I read your blog Cammi, you expressed so many feelings that I had felt, raising our 6 children. Only no blogs or even a computer to read them on until now. 5 wonderful granddaughters later,.. so happy that you expressed some of your thoughts and talents online. I enjoy reading your blogs and love all the ideas that you share. And pass them along to my daughters and friends. You are such a bright lift!